Confusion Without A Solution
Shirin Bhasin has recently completed her graduation in B. Sc. (Hons.) Physics from University of Delhi in 2016. She enjoys spending time with friends and reading novels by Nicholas Sparks. As a girl living in Delhi, she strongly believes that women in India should not be withheld from their goals and dreams – professional or personal – just because of their gender. By joining Safecity, Shirin is trying to help make a difference for those girls and women out there who need the motivation to believe in themselves, before they believe in others.
Confusion Without A Solution
The Indian society, at times, seems to have set double standards of what they want from a woman. Such standards lead to so much confusion inside a little girl’s head.
Let us talk about a young 14-year-old girl, Sheena*, who has just hit puberty and is confused. “What’s happening to my body?”, she secretly wondered too embarrassed to ask anyone about it. Soon, within a year, her parents – who had been very supporting all her childhood – had all of a sudden begun telling her what she should and should not be doing. From how she was supposed to dress, to learning how to cook – slowly, everything was being defined for her.
As Sheena grew older, she started accepting the ways of life her parents had proposed, because eventually, she had no option. After each fight about boys, the shortness of her dress, or the time she returns home, Sheena slowly started feeling that her parents did not love her. She felt as if they were taking revenge for something she had done wrong. Little did she know the reason behind it.
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It was 7:30am, and Sheena’s father, Sunil*, sat down in the balcony with a steaming cup of chai to read the morning newspaper. Right there, in that very newspaper, was another article about a girl who had been raped in broad daylight by a neighbour. Priya*, Sheena’s mother, comes and takes the seat next to Sunil, with her cup of tea. She notices some sort of worry on Sunil’s face, and asks him, “What happened? Why so tense?”
“Another girl was raped, and this time by a neighbour. Look at this article,” he says in a tense tone, passing the newspaper to Priya. As Priya started reading the article, Sunil started mumbling, “Sheena has just finished her class XII board exams. God knows where she will get admission. I don’t want to be a road block in her career. But I’m so worried, and if I say anything to her, she will just misinterpret me.”
Priya remained quite lost in her own thoughts as she read the article. “Sunniye Ji,” she says to her husband, “What if we get her married off? Then she will have a husband and everything will be fine.”
“But what about her studies? Her career plans?” he replied.
“She’s finished class XII and why does she need a job? After marriage, she will have to take care of the house only. Also, Guptaji recently sent a marriage proposal for his son. His son is well settled and earns enough, so Sheena will never be required to earn.”
“Hmmm,” Sunil replied, as he started considering Sheena’s marriage and called out, “Sheena!” Sheena came running to the balcony.
“Yes, dad. What is it?”
“Do you remember Guptaji’s son?”, her mother asked her.
“That tall stick?”, she joked around, “Of course.” Sheena’s father started smiling.
“Why? What happened, mom?”
“Well… Umm…. I don’t know how to say this… Remember, Guptaji sent a… a….”, Priya kept stumbling, looking for a way to bring up the marriage proposal.
“The marriage proposal? Wait. You did say no, right?”, Sheena was starting to get anxious.
Her father decided jumped into the conversation. “Well, we are considering saying yes.”
A tear rolled down Sheena’s eyes. She started mumbling, “Bu… Bu… But… I.. I don’t want to get married, dad.”
“Why not?”, her mother asked, “He’s a good boy, and will provide you with everything you need. He will keep you happy.”
“I haven’t even started thinking about marriage!”, Sheena squeaked.
Priya started smiling. “I was just like you when I first heard about my marriage. But it turned out just fine, didn’t it?”
Sheena stormed off.
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One year down the line, Sheena was a married girl. Yes, she agreed, her husband provided everything she needed, but only materialistic things. What Sheena wanted was love, understanding, and care, which was nowhere to be seen. There were so many nights Sheena spent crying, hoping for some miracle to happen, but nothing did.
Soon, Sheena’s husband started raping her. Sheena was horrified. She didn’t know what to do, how to feel, and no matter how much she resisted, her husband would not listen. She was unsure whether her parents would be by her side, let alone anyone else. Hence, she decided to keep quiet and bear it.
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Two years later, Sheena was found dead in her bedroom with the following note lying next to her –
“I’m sorry. But I could not take the torture anymore. I just could not stand being surrounded by people, yet be all alone. I was told to ‘mend my ways’ as a child because that’s what ‘good girls’ do. I did it. I did not want to get married but I did. I was raped for most of my married life but I withstood it because I’m daddy’s strong little girl. But, I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand being alone. I don’t want to be alone.
Love,
Sheena”
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In a world like today, no girl is safe. In most households, the girls are taught to ‘mend their ways’ without any explanation as to what just happened, or in fact, why it was happening. Also, due to the lack of maturity at such a tender age, girls tend to get confused as to why they are told to adjust their lifestyle.
In defence of parents, they may be trying to protect their daughter from the evil world out there, and for them, the best way to do that is to teach their little girl how to behave in certain ways to attract less attention.
Both the girl and the parents are right from their perspectives but at times there are consequences for not communicating properly with each other, like in the case of Sheena. We need to realise that it is not the girl who needs to change, but the mentality of society, as a whole, that needs to change. To do that, we should teach men to respect women from a young age. As far as the girl is concerned, she should not be taught how to ‘behave’ in public, but should be taught to stay strong and confident. Women should be taught to stand up for themselves, and that it is okay to use self-defence techniques which can be learnt from professionals.
Bringing a change in the society begins from bringing a change within. Are you with us?
*The names Sheena, Sunil, and Priya are taken purely for the purpose of story telling. The story is a representation of problems many girls face in India and has no intentional link with anyone named Sheena, Priya, and/or Sunil. The aim of the writer was not to hurt or offend anyone in any way. Reader’s discretion advised.
